There are several reasons why I read Keluarga Oriente. Firstly, it is a collection of short stories written by one of the best writers from Flores, or even from all of NTT, Armin Bell. Secondly, I like to read fiction that explores mental health themes. And thirdly, I became the pemantik (cannot find proper English for this word haha) for this book discussion. This book contains 12 short stories. I once wrote about its themes on the Petra Book Club website. Among these twelve stories, my favorite is Carlos, which is actually the very first story in the book.
Carlos tells the story of a man, referred to as “Aku” or “I”, who meets a guy named Carlos on a flight. Like many sane passengers, Aku just wants to relax and maybe get some deep sleep. But then his neighbour keeps talking and sharing about a tragedy he experienced in 1998 called Cova Lima, when the Indonesian government became a brutal murderer to the people living in Timur-tumur, now Timor Leste.
Based on the story, we can clearly see that Carlos has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). He witnessed a tragedy and even became one of its victims. Most people with PTSD rarely share their traumatic experiences with others, especially strangers, because talking about those events can trigger their anxiety and make them relive moments they want to erase. However, some people tend to overshare their trauma, or “trauma dump,” to others, especially strangers. This happens because they don’t have healthy coping mechanisms or a strong support system.
Let’s go back to the story. Armin didn’t explain Carlos’s life in detail – we don’t know about his parents, his wife or kids, or his surroundings. So we have no idea about his support system. But we can say that he doesn’t have a healthy coping mechanism. Coping mechanisms are ways we respond to trauma. They can be adaptive or maladaptive. Adaptive coping means using positive strategies, such as focusing on solutions, seeking help, turning to spirituality, or anything that can help resolve the stress. On the other hand, maladaptive coping refers to behaviours that may ruin a person’s life, such as any kind of addiction or self-destructive habits. I can say that there are three reasons why Carlos overshares.
Firstly, oversharing can be seen as a coping mechanism. When people like Carlos share their trauma, it gives them temporary relief from the negative effects they feel about the trauma. Unfortunately, this relief is only temporary and can negatively affect others who listen to it.
Secondly, people who overshare tend to seek validation from others. Carlos, like many tragedy victims in Indonesia, was forced to remain silent about his experience. What’s worse, our government has tried to erase the 1998 tragedy from school history books. Even Fadli Zon, the Culture Minister, once said that the mass rape of Chinese-Indonesian women in 1998 was a hoax. It’s disgusting, and I hate him for that. This kind of silencing makes victims of abuse overshare because they want to be heard. They don’t want to be forgotten.
Lastly, Carlos simply can’t control himself. People with severe anxiety caused by trauma sometimes cannot control what they think or say. This is because when we are under extreme stress, our brain is led by the amygdala, a small part of the brain that becomes active when we sense danger. Normally, we are led by our cerebral cortex, located in the frontal lobe of the brain, which helps us think logically and regulate how we solve problems. But stress makes our cerebral cortex “useless” and causes us to act without thinking. So, every time you see people with bad attitudes, try to remind yourself not to let it stress you out. Stress can damage your own cerebral cortex, and remember – people often act badly because their cerebral cortex is “offline,” overtaken by their amygdala.
Thus, oversharing can negatively impact those who listen or read, especially if the sharing happens on social media. Research has shown that oversharing trauma online can cause misery to others, particularly those with related problems. In some cases, people become deeply engaged and feel stressed about it too. That’s why it’s better to share your trauma with mental health professionals like psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists who are trained to handle it. Dumping your trauma onto strangers is not good, just like Carlos, who overshared his problem with Aku and us, the readers, making me think about it deeply and even feel stressed about the tragedy – which is why I wrote this blog post.
Overall, I really like this short story among all the others. The main reason is because it really hits home. I myself have struggled with oversharing for years, and I’ve often felt ashamed about it. But once I learned to manage my stress and calm my amygdala through meditation, reading self-help books, exercising, writing my thougths on blog like this and diary and loving myself first – in short, building healthier coping mechanisms – the oversharing became less frequent.
One great thing is that Keluarga Oriente was shortlisted for the Khatulistiwa Award, which it truly deserved because the stories in this book are so important. Too bad it didn’t win, because if it had, I would have asked Kak Armin to hold a feast. If you don’t have this book yet, you can buy it on Marjin Kiri online platforms, or if you’re in Ruteng, get it at Petra Book Club. Highly recommended.
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